Ep #192: How Presence Can Transform Your Life in Midlife

I used to believe healing had to happen through huge breakthroughs, dramatic changes, or finding the perfect answer. But after stepping away from my everyday life for a week of deep personal work, I came home with a very different perspective. I discovered that lasting transformation isn't about changing everything overnight — it's about creating intentional space, embracing community, and committing to small, consistent shifts that build over time.

In this episode, I share what I learned about presence, healing in relationship, taking responsibility for my response rather than my past, and why the "2-degree shift" may be one of the most powerful tools for creating lasting change. If you've been feeling disconnected, overwhelmed, or like something inside you is asking for more, I hope this conversation reminds you that you don't have to figure it all out alone.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why presence is one of the most powerful healing practices.

• How community accelerates personal transformation.

• Why I focus on responding instead of reliving the past.

• How small, intentional 2-degree shifts create lasting change.

• Practical ways to begin reconnecting with yourself today.

If you're ready to begin creating sustainable change in your own life, I'd love to support you. Reach out at hello@mikkigardner.com, and let's talk about what your next 2-degree shift could be.

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Full Episode Transcript:

What if the reason your life suddenly feels so misaligned in midlife isn't because something is going wrong, but because something inside of you is finally waking up? Well, welcome to Led From Within. I'm Mikki Gardner, and this is a podcast for women who are done outsourcing their authority and are ready to claim a life aligned with who they are today. Because midlife doesn't need to be a crisis. It can be a return to yourself, to clarity, to courage, and to inner authority. So let's begin.

Hi. Welcome back to the podcast. You and I are having morning coffee. If you're watching this on YouTube, grab a cup or your favorite beverage. Because this episode, I don't know, it's just. Let's have a conversation.

The last episode that I did, I talked about the sort of summer reset that I chose to do. And I was away for six nights in the hills of Tennessee with no phone, no computer, no access to the people that I love. Of course they had an emergency number if something were to go drastically wrong. And what came up was just so interesting.

Yes, I was gone for an extended period of time, and I made that choice, and I had the opportunity to do it, which I realize is unique. And there were about 50 of us there, some doing individuals, some doing group work, and I was doing group work. And the further I get away from it, the more lessons that keep unfolding.

And I wanted to talk about those today because what it taught me is the necessity of making conscious, intentional, purposeful effort to allow ourselves the space to heal, to grow, to expand, to live in uncertainty, to do things that we're afraid of, to put ourselves in really uncomfortable positions and to survive it. And not only survive it, but thrive through it.

And it got me thinking about, especially after I left there, a lot of the discussion is around integration. And I'm going to tell you, I left with two new friends, uh, that I met there. Shout out to you guys if you're listening. And it was bizarre.

We had spent six days in nature with the only sort of sounds other than nature sounds and each other was music. If someone was playing it or singing it. The laughter that we experienced, the tears that there wasn't music, there weren't distractions, there wasn't traffic there. It was like we were literally in this very unique, amazing little bubble.

But when we got thrown out of it back into the common world, as they call, was shocking. And it took me a few days to acclimate to just the noise around me, just the amount of people around me going from There into the airport. Holy moly. Was an experience. Thank goodness I had my new friends with me because we sort of just stuck together in a little pod and got through the airport. And it was, um, was unique.

So why am I telling you all this? Well, I just wanted to share what I learned because I'm taking these lessons away, and I think that they are really relevant to all of us, especially midlife women, because I met a lot of them there, and some of their stories really touched me. Some of them broke my heart, and a lot of them just in inspired me.

And so I wanted to talk about it here. Kind of a few of the nuggets and the lessons that I'm taking away, and I know that it will continue to unfold. So if you don't have your coffee, I'm gonna take a little coffee break. It's morning. Uh, I did hot Pilates this morning, which was incredible, but at 6am so I'm still on a little bit of a slow start.

And I think that brings me to sort of one of the first things that I really am taking away is that presence and having presence. Being in the moment is the work in small ways, in big ways, but it's allowing ourselves to have the spaciousness for real connection, for real healing, and that gets built kind of moment by moment.

And yes, while I was there, there were huge breakthroughs, right? Watching people just have massive breakthroughs was incredible. But a lot of the healing also happened in the little choices where we were actually present with one another and with ourselves.

I mean, I think one of the things that I'm really taking away is, yes, the work that we did in group was extraordinary and forever changed me. But also what changed me was having that intentional space, having time for meals. Nobody had a phone. Nobody had a distraction. All we had was each other, and we were all strangers, but not by the end of it.

And we had real conversation. We savored our meals. We talked about it, right? And we took walks. I got to play with the animals that were there. I got to play with the horses, which was so much fun. I went running every day and walking and made some new friends that I ran with. And Kayla, the amazing, beautiful girl in the coffee shop that made us the most delicious coffees every day. It was those little moments of connection, of really seeing one another because we were present in the moment we were in.

At night, there's nothing else to do, right? There's no distraction. Sometimes people would pick up a guitar or be at the piano. There were always 12 step meetings in the evenings. But, uh, we also had games, right, Silly games that we would end up were so much fun.

One night we were. It's not that we were bored, but you've got to get creative. So we're playing Cornhole for the millionth time. And so we decided to do trick Cornhole, which, let me tell you, got very interesting very quickly. Uh, we nearly hurt ourselves many times.

But that night we sat around the fire laughing so hard our stomachs ached. I mean, literally, we were in pain because we had been laughing for so long and so hard. And I thought, I can't remember the last time that I laughed that hard. And that is present moment, that is presence, that is healing in the moment. And it was such a gift. Such a gift.

I think one of the other things that I really am walking away understanding is that healing happens. When we witness other people healing. It sort of teaches us how to move through the process. We all have a tendency to compare our pain and say, oh, well, mine isn't as bad as someone else, or believing that ours is the worst. And, uh, everybody's kind of wired that way.

Our brains are wired for that. But we can't let ourselves compare it because watching someone else navigate their healing helps us make our own connections. It's like it. We find our own affirmation inside of that. We find empathy, we find compassion, we find community. And when we can watch others do it, it teaches us how to.

And I think that was one of the biggest things, is, yes, I had incredible breakthroughs. Yes, I saw patterns that I have been wondering, like, why do I do that in relationship? Why. Why can I not figure this thing out? And th. Some of those connections were made, and I am so, so grateful.

But a lot of it happened watching other people in their rawness, in their truth, in their vulnerability, because we created such a safe space for one another. And, uh, what a gift. What a gift. And I think what I'm taking away from that is really how important community is for us, especially in midlife, when we're challenging these sort of dynamics, when we're challenging the roles, when we're challenging the expectations, when our life feels like it's flipping upside down, we tend to go inward, right? And try to, quote, unquote, figure it out.

But really, the figuring it out happens in community with other people. It's why I have my program led from within. It's why I coach. It's why I'm, uh, doing my master's in counseling. Because we heal in relationship with one Another period, end of story. Can we make changes on our own? Yeah, we can. But those lasting, deep changes happen through relationship and connection and witnessing others.

I think one of the other things that I really learned is a mantra that they have there. Um, and I'm taking away, and I have a picture now on my bathroom counter to remind me that you are not responsible for what happens to you. That's as a child, that's in relationship with other people who do really shitty things to us. We are not responsible for what happens to us. You are responsible for how you respond to it.

Let me say that again. You are not responsible for what happened to you. You are responsible for how you respond. And that response is the work, right? It's not trying to control the circumstances. It's not trying to change the past. It's not trying to convince someone that they're right or they're wrong. But it's owning what you do with the feelings and then the, the outcomes and symptoms that those feelings create in your own life.

You know, a lot of the work that we did was back to inner child work, was childhood trauma, was the things that we learned as children that are playing out today because they are right when I'm wondering, why do I do that in relationship? Well, I gotta go back pretty far to see it. And I can see then what feelings were wired into me and how those feelings are now playing out in present day. Are they helping or are they hurting?

So looking at those things, that's where real change happens, right? It's being willing to put yourself in rooms to do the work, to heal. Because we all have trauma, we all have things that happened or choices we've made or choices other people have made that have impacted us and might still be, uh, impacting you today. Whether that's overeating, whether that's over drinking, whether that's anxiety, whether that's overworking, over exercising, dysfunctional relationships, codependency, the list goes on and on and on.

And there's a little bit of freedom in understanding that you're not responsible for what happened to you, especially as a child, but you are as an adult, responsible for how you heal from it. And that's the important thing that I was taking away from this.

The last thing that I want to mention is that, and this is one of onsite's things, it's all about the 2 degree shift. Healing happens in 2 degree shifts. It's not an overnight fix. It's not a 180. It's not this really big Dramatic. Like we're going to go from here to all the way over here.

No, the quick fix or the 180 isn't sustainable. It's just not. It's too jarring for our nervous system. Our nervous system needs to move in small, gradual changes that happen moment to moment, small adjustments over time. I've talked so much on the show about titration, right? It's like the learning how to make little changes that build over time. It's having the commitment to long term healing versus fast results. It's a longer arc, right. It's not a quick shift.

And so really understanding that when we are committed to the 2 degree shift, we might think it's not changing, but it actually is changing much quicker than we think. Because when we're willing to do the small incremental steps to change over time, what does that do? Well, it allows our nervous system time to adjust time to build the capacity to sustain the change that we're looking for. Whether that's eating habits, drinking habits, sleeping habits at exercise, any of those things.

Right. It's not going from 0 to 60, it's going from 0 to 2 to 4. And here's the thing, the beauty of it is the compounding effect. When we allow ourselves to commit to the two degree shift, there's a compounding effect. What do I mean? Well, first 2%, then 4%, then 8%, then 16%. Right. Then 32, then 64. See how it gets bigger and bigger? It happens quicker than we think when we're committed to the long term.

And that's what I'm taking away from my experience there. I didn't have to come back healed or fixed. I'm on my way to healing and I'm doing it small incremental steps at a time. And that's what I want for you. That's what I want for you to feel like you are making shifts that quicker than you know if you commit are going to make massive results.

My time there was incredible and valuable and I'm so, so, so grateful. It was really hard. It was hard on me, it was hard on my partner, it was hard on my family to be away. But I also realized it was necessary. It was necessary for me to kind of take myself out of the day to day to be able to reset.

And so if you're looking for help with this, I just want you to know you're not alone and you don't have to go away for a week. Although let me tell you, I'm happy to give you the information because it is life changing. But we can also just start to look at our own lives with maybe we don't have the capacity right or the means or the time to go away right now, but not letting yourself off the hook and giving yourself a choice to say how can I start to find more presence, more present moment, focus in my day to day life today.

And if you need help with that, I am here for you. In the show notes, there's going to be a link we can jump on a call, a 60 minute call where we can decide what's your 2 degree shift and and create a plan for you that's going to be sustainable. Because again, going back to what I said a little bit ago, healing doesn't happen in isolation, right? It doesn't happen in a silo. We have to do it within community, within relationship with one another.

And I just want you to know that I'm here for you. If that would be helpful and you need some one on one help, just use the link. It's an inexpensive way to get some really good results right away. And I'll be back with another episode next week. I look forward to talking with you then. And until then, just remember you have the choice to change anything and everything in your life and it can happen quicker than you believe when we commit to the 2 degree changes. All right, see you soon, my friend.

Thanks so much for listening to today's episode. I hope that it spoke to you and you found something useful to take away from it. If you did, I would be so grateful if you would take 2 seconds to subscribe to the show, which will help you because you won't miss another episode. And it would help me because you would never miss another episode.

And if you are in the giving spirit and would take 30 seconds to rate and review this episode, it would do wonders for the show and for me. Thanks so much for being here and I can't wait to talk to you again next week.