Ep #187: The Season You’re Fighting Is the One Meant to Free You

What if the reason your life feels so misaligned in midlife isn’t because something is wrong, but because something inside of you is finally waking up?

In this episode, I reflect on a blooming magnolia tree and the powerful reminder that nature never fights the season it’s in. It simply allows each stage to unfold. Midlife invites us to do the same.

I talk about the quiet dissatisfaction, the internal whispers, and the growing truth that many women experience when the roles and identities they’ve relied on no longer fit. This season isn’t a crisis. It’s an awakening. It’s an opportunity to stop forcing what no longer works and begin trusting what is trying to emerge.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why midlife transformation is a natural season of growth

• How self-trust deepens when I stop resisting change

• Why shedding old identities is necessary for alignment

• How nervous system regulation affects my ability to embrace uncertainty

• What happens when I stop outsourcing my authority

If this resonates with you, I invite you to reach out and begin creating a life that feels aligned with who you truly are. https://calendly.com/coachwithmikki/clarity_call

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Full Episode Transcript:

What if the reason your life suddenly feels so misaligned in midlife isn't because something is going wrong, but because something inside of you is finally waking up? Well, welcome to Led From Within. I'm Mikki Gardner, and this is a podcast for women who are done outsourcing their authority and are ready to claim a life aligned with who they are today. Because midlife doesn't need to be a crisis. It can be a return to yourself, to clarity, to courage, and to inner authority. So let's begin.

Hi, and welcome back to the podcast. You know, today I was standing in front of a tree, a beautiful magnolia tree. I mean, I just. I love these trees. I get so excited when I see them. And since we're living now in Florida, this is the time of year where we get to see them in bloom. And every stage was there at once in this tree as I was staring at it. The seed, the bud, the bloom, the flower that's opened, the flower that's dying. And it reminded me that, you know, nature doesn't fight the season that it's in. It just is. And sometimes it's all at once. And it got me thinking about women in midlife.

So today we're talking about seasons, and we're not talking about the cute Instagram version. We're not talking about, like, hot girl healing in the summer kind of version. I mean, I just laugh at that one. I'm talking about the real seasons, you know, the uncomfortable ones, the ones where we have to shed the identity that we have been living in. Maybe it's the one where life still kind of works, especially on paper, but it doesn't fit our soul anymore. These are the real seasons. And this is what midlife is asking us. It's asking us, are we honest enough about the season that we're actually in? Because most of the time, the suffering that I see clients in is from trying to stay inside of a season that you've already outgrown.

And that's what this magnolia tree today really sort of reminded me of, is there was that little, tiny seed. Well, they're not little tiny. They're big, right? They have, um, little pokey things on the outside. They're, you know, it's like that very tight bud. And then all of a sudden, you start to see a little bit of an opening. You start to see the flower, and it slowly opens, and then all of the sudden, it's this beautiful, giant bloom. But then they start to change color, they start to fall apart, and then they're left sort of there on the ground.

But that tree is not confused about any of those parts. It's not confused about when there's no flowers, when there are flowers, what stage the flower is in. That tree is not confused. It doesn't apologize for blooming. It doesn't cling to its petals and hope that they stay forever. And it certainly isn't shaming itself for shedding what doesn't work. And it also doesn't force itself to grow all of the time. It allows itself the majority of the year, to just be a beautiful green leaf tree. But humans do shame themselves, apologize, force themselves into seasons that don't actually work. And especially women.

We are conditioned, right, to keep everything status quo, to keep everything stable, to preserve the identities that we've been handed, to maintain the roles that have worked in the past or work for everybody else. Women are conditioned to stay chosen, useful, needed, good, quiet, compliant, all of the things. But the thing about midlife is this is where the identities that we've once held become more about survival than thriving. Because motherhood is changing, right? The kids are getting older, marriages are shifting. Careers may or may not feel like they fit any longer. Our bodies change, our spirituality changes. Our tolerance for bullshit goes away. And oftentimes, a lot of our friendships are changing too.

And instead of doing what naturally, sort of this season is asking us to ask, right? Asking ourselves, what's trying to emerge inside of me? What's ready to bloom, right? What am I? What is the next iteration or the next season that I'm coming into? Instead, we ask, how do I keep that old version of me alive for everybody else? And it just doesn't work. It just doesn't.

And I think when I look at the conversations that I have with women and with clients, and certainly when I look at my own life, the stage that we resist the most is kind of that seedling stage. Because it's the whisper, right? It's the subtle dissatisfaction that we have. It's that restlessness that we're feeling inside of ourselves. It's the exhaustion, it's the numbing, it's the feeling so very disconnected from ourself and others. It's like that's the period of time when we know something's off, but life still works. And this is the season that women override themselves over and over because the seed doesn't look dramatic yet. So it's very easily ignored.

But as we start pushing through, right, as midlife starts emerging, because it does, because it will, this is where we can't kind of unsee the truths that we're feeling. It's where resentment is really growing. It's where our body is getting a lot louder because it is shifting whether we want it to or not. And it's when our soul starts asking some really big hard questions. But if we are still negotiating and we're still resisting the season, right, we're gonna start to question ourselves continuously. Maybe I'm overreacting. Maybe I should just be more grateful. Maybe this is just what it looks like. Life, marriage, motherhood, midlife. But the answer to all of those maybes or no, no, that is just us trying to keep the bloom inside, keep ourselves from having to go through the next season, right?

Because the blooming, right, this is all about visibility. It's about truth and expansion. It's where you get to choose differently. It's where boundaries start to emerge. It's where honesty deepens. It's where self trust is built. And it's where people become really uncomfortable because the blooming, it's beautiful, but it is absolutely disruptive. It's disruptive to us. It's disruptive to the people around us, the systems that we've built, the roles, the agreements, right? Because when we stop abandoning ourselves, when we deepen into those boundaries, into honesty, into self trust, relationships have to shift, period. Uh, roles get renegotiated and the dynamics that we have been living in, the patterns change. And not everybody benefits from this. It's just the truth.

And after the bloom is kind of that shedding, right? It's the shedding of identities, letting those die, releasing the relationships and the patterns and the masks that no longer work. The season has grief and it has endings. And it's important for us to understand that this period, the shedding is necessary. It's not because you've done anything wrong. Just because something ends does not mean it was wrong, period. Nature understands that more than we do. It is part of the process.

But when things end, whether that's relationships, uh, whether that's agreements, whether that's identities, whether that's roles, whether that's our health, whether that's our body, many of us resist it, right? We resist it fiercely because the certainty, right, of, uh, what we used to know feels safer than this new truth. Familiar pain feels safer than unknown freedom. Our nervous systems attach to those identities because they feel more certain. But that is just a survival mechanism, right? And we confuse that. And most women aren't stuck because they don't know. They're stuck because they do know and they understand. There's a cost to changing that they may not want to pay. So instead we people please. Instead we continue to outsource our authority, we continue to over function and we continue to wrap ourselves into pretzels to not disappoint others. But the longer that you resist the season that you are in, the heavier your life feels, period.

There is an ease that that comes with midlife. Midlife does not have to be a, uh, punishment. It's a revelation. It's a season where the noise gets louder because your soul is trying to get your attention, right? The autopilot stops working, the autopilot button goes offline. Our old identities really start to crack and our body stops to tolerating the self abandonment, right? That forcing it to do things that it's not equipped, meant or ready to do. And the thing about midlife isn't, it's not about asking you to become someone else. It's about asking you to stop pretending to be who you aren't anymore.

This is what I learned on the journey of midlife, is that the longer that I resisted the season that I was in, the longer that I refused to listen to the truth, I refused to listen to the whisper, I refused to make the changes necessary. The louder and louder it got, the more intense and the harder, the longer I pushed. To me, it felt like I was attached to something that no longer was working. And I was on a bungee and I kept marching, one foot in front of the other in front of the other, trying to just keep going. But what I was doing was creating so much tension from who I really am and what I need to listen to. And the further that I walked away from that, the more tension that I created, the harder it got to m move and the heavier everything felt.

And you know what happens? Eventually I couldn't do it anymore. And unfortunately, all of that tension snaps and I go flying back, right? It's like they say, God will give you, uh, a pebble and then a rock and then a speed bump and then a pothole and then a brick wall. I unfortunately forced myself into the brick wall, right? And that's where everything comes crashing down. And the intensity and the visibility of things not working could not be denied any longer, right? But I had been resisting those endings that needed to happen. Resisting the shutting of the identities and the roles and the relationships that didn't work anymore.

But the moment that I allowed myself to get still to be honest and aware, um, with myself about what needed to change, what season I was in and what needed to happen and then start moving in that direction. The more self trust that I gained, the more movement I had going forward. And that's alignment. And with that comes ease and freedom and also joy and passion and new beginnings. We will come to the understanding one way or another. And it doesn't have to be an impulsive destruction. You do not have to blow up your life. But radical honesty is necessary. And the moment that I became more radically honest with myself and I started moving in that direction, it compounds, right? It starts expanding more and more and more.

And so I want to ask you, are you willing to ask yourself and answer, what season am I actually in right now? Not the one you wish you were in, not the one that looks best, but the one that is actually true. Ask yourself, what am I trying to keep alive that already feels complete? What is trying to emerge inside of me? Right? What are those little whispers that I hear? Where am I resisting change because it threatens something inside of me? Relationships, identity, the status quo. And what would shift if I stopped judging the season that I'm in and I started listening to it? Right? This is where we take one moment of listening, uh, to ourselves, to our body, and we take action on it.

I want to encourage you to step into the spaces that allow you to create more stillness, more awareness, more honesty. Whether that's journaling, meditation, walks, breath, work, noticing the energy that is around you, not just your thinking.

And I want to remind you that that magnolia, what it was telling me, that tree today, it doesn't bloom all at once and then call it done. It cycles over and over and over and sometimes all at the same time. And so will you. There are going to be so many versions of you, so many deaths, so many blooms, so many beautiful moments, and some shedding, too. The question isn't whether the seasons are going to change. The question is, are you going to fight them? Or are you willing to finally trust yourself to move through them? Tell yourself the truth about the season that you're in right now, because that's where the next season begins.

And I just want to remind you that you get a choice. You always get a choice on what is next for you. And the best version of your life is waiting just on the other side of honesty, of integrity, and of being your own authority.

If this episode spoke to you, please share it with someone who is standing on the edge of that season as well, but maybe isn't ready to trust it. And if you're ready to stop outsourcing your authority and start listening to what your life and your body have been trying to tell you all along because you know deep down inside. Then I want to offer you ways to connect with me. You can get on my mailing list where I send weekly notes of encouragement about moving through these seasons of midlife. Maybe you want help creating a roadmap for yourself of, uh, what it looks like to just start moving in that direction. There's a link for a clarity call in the show notes as well. I just want you to know that you're not alone and that I am here to help walk through it with you in whatever way feels most supportive. Thank you for listening and I'll see you next week.

Thanks so much for listening to today's episode. I hope that it spoke to you and you found something useful to take away from it. If you did, I would be so grateful if you would take 2 seconds to subscribe to the show, which will help you because you won't miss another episode. And it would help me because you would never miss another episode. And if you are in the giving spirit and would take 30 seconds to rate and review this episode, it would do wonders for the show and for me. Thanks so much for being here and I can't wait to talk to you again next week.