Ep #197: The Season That Broke My Script

Have you ever reached a point where your body is telling you one thing, but your calendar keeps demanding another? In this episode, I share what I've been learning as I navigate a season of change in midlife and why I've realized that constantly pushing through is no longer serving me. Instead of seeing this as failure or burnout, I'm beginning to understand it as an invitation to listen more deeply to myself.

I talk about letting go of the identity built around endless capacity, creating spaciousness instead of constantly striving, and learning to recognize what my body is trying to communicate. I also share why I'm intentionally stepping back from the podcast for a season so I can focus on my health, my family, my education, and the next chapter I'm being called toward.

In this episode, you’ll learn:

• Why your body may be giving you important information instead of failing you

• How the identity of "doing it all" begins to unravel in midlife

• Why creating spaciousness is essential for clarity and inner authority

• How saying no can open the door to a much bigger yes

• Why choosing yourself is one of the greatest gifts you can give others

If this conversation resonates with you, I'd love to hear from you. Reach out at hello@mikkigardner.com or DM me on Instagram https://www.instagram.com/mikkigardner/ and share what you're discovering about your own journey, and let's continue learning how to lead from within together.

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Full Episode Transcript:

What if the reason your life suddenly feels so misaligned in midlife isn't because something is going wrong, but because something inside of you is finally waking up? Well, welcome to Led From Within. I'm Mikki Gardner, and this is a podcast for women who are done outsourcing their authority and are ready to claim a life aligned with who they are today. Because midlife doesn't need to be a crisis. It can be a return to yourself, to clarity, to courage, and to inner authority. So let's begin.

Welcome back to the podcast. You know, for months, my body has been telling me something that my calendar wouldn't listen to. I have been in the dissonance between pushing myself to get all of the things done, enjoy the summer, have all the experiences I want. All the while, my body has been sending me messages that things just aren't adding up. And that's what I wanted to talk about, is that script that kind of finally breaks us.

There's an identity that a lot of us will build up over time, and especially by, uh, midlife, it starts to come unraveled. It feels like we're coming apart kind of at the seams. And the identity for many of us is capacity, is being the one who has it all together, who can get it all done, who can take care of everybody, and who can look the part worth is measured by how much you can do and how much you can hold and how you can still show up. And that's how I've been living many, many years.

But what I've also experienced in midlife is that's when the script stops working. That's when that identity starts to unravel. And it's not a failure, and it's not, for me, burnout as like a malfunction. What it feels more is that myself is demanding to be heard after years of being managed instead of being listened to.

You know that old script that I've had that I can handle it, I can rest later, I can get through this, I can do everything everyone needs in midlife. Our body just simply refuses to cooperate with it anymore. And that's where I've been at. But that refusal isn't weakness. And that's what I'm coming to understand. That refusal is actually just data. It's just information for me to start to use. And that's what I think I've been starting to really look at and reframe is what is the season that I'm in right now. Not as becoming, but really looking at the evidence around me and how do I build myself forward when I look at what's actually on my plate?

As you know, I'm. It's approaching August. School is going to be starting for my son. But also, I'm already in school. I've been in school all summer. But I have internships starting. I still have classes to take. I'm going back to Florida where I am single parenting. I have clients. I have responsibilities.

I also am in a season where I, uh, very much wanna focus on my body, on my health, on my wellbeing. I wanna be strong. I want my body to feel the best it's ever been. And I'm, um, actually feeling that because I'm putting in the work. So when I look at it, I realize that this next season, right, our bodies are just like nature, right? There's. There's seasons to it. And it's not about disqualifying everything else. It's about clarifying, showing myself exactly what do I need now if I let go of that old identity, what's true?

And there is a temptation here for me to just keep pushing through on autopilot like I've done. But that is not what I want to do. Because that moment of autopilot just continues to tell my body that it doesn't matter. It continues to tell me that someone else knows better, that I can just push through, push harder. I'm not doing it enough. And if I'm really honoring where I am in this season of midlife, in what I'm learning, how I'm growing, it's asking myself the question, really, what is required right now? Not what have I always given and should I continue doing that?

And what I keep hearing over and over is spaciousness. I need spaciousness. But I've always felt that spaciousness is something that I prepare for, manage, plan for and earn. But that's not true. Spaciousness is the actual practice. And it's the thing that makes it possible for us to have the capacity for us to be able to hear our own bodies.

Listening to our body and our soul is an active process. It's not an indulgence. It's not something we do when it's convenient. It's a practice that we do all the time. But the fact is we can't hear ourselves. We can't be in touch, understand, um, read the cues of our bodies when we are just going, going, going, going, going. The quiet, the spaciousness has to be created so that there is enough space to be able to hear. For me, that is actually slowing down Prioritizing exercise.

Right? Why? Yes, to be stronger in my body. Yes. To feel good inside, but also so that I actually stay embodied, so that I'm connected to the body that I live in, so that I can actually start to hear it, to understand it, to read its cues, to take care of it, to take care of myself. It also looks like questioning all of the things that I've always done and deciding what's true now, what needs my energy now and what doesn't. Where are the parts that I've been on autopilot and do I want to continue? And all of this takes space and quiet to do.

And there's another piece of this, really, for me, wanting midlife to reveal another chapter, a chapter of yeses, a chapter of joy, a chapter of passion, of new adventure, of new opportunity. I can't. And we can't hear and respond to those yeses. We can't hear them. They are something that is felt. And if we constantly have our body in motion, constantly doing, constantly focused on output and results, there's no way we can hear it, let alone feel it.

And so sometimes we have to be willing to say no, to allow the yes in. Because no isn't the opposite of yes. No opens the doorway to be able to experience the yes. The no isn't a failure or a, uh, running away. It's actually creating the conditions to be able to get more clear. We have to be willing to understand and be able to see the difference between deciding intellectually a, uh, yes or a no, and then actually feeling it in our body. Those are very different. In midlife, our body and our life kind of feels like it's coming apart at the seams because it's tired of not being listened to. This is the point in life where we actually start feeling trusting and embodying who we're meant to be, what we believe to be true, who we actually are, and stepping into those yeses with full enthusiasm and authority.

So for me, this season, this isn't hypothetical. This isn't just sort of like some random thing I'm doing. I'm actually applying this. One of the ways that I'm saying no right now is this podcast. I love this podcast. This is 197 episodes. This means so much to me, and I have been so grateful to each of you who have tuned in and listened and who have reached out and talked to and become clients from and shared with other people. It has been such a gift. And I am not saying no to this podcast forever.

But what I Am deciding is that right now, in this season, with everything that's coming down the pipeline for me in the next few months, that I have to make room for the things that need my attention right now. And those things are starting internship, finishing school, being present for my son as he starts his junior year. Oh, my gosh. In high school. Unbelievable. Making room for those relationships in my life that means so much to me, but most importantly, making room for myself to be able to continue to make room for myself, to really embody the work, to strengthen myself, body, mind, and soul. And so for right now, I'm entering a season of no, not as failure, but as a doorway into a season of abundant.

Um. Yes. I, uh, invite you to sit with a question maybe today, maybe for a little while. And maybe you're feeling that there is a change, that you need a break. And so I want you to ask yourself, where is your body already telling you something, maybe something that you've been managing instead of hearing. And what would it cost you to say no there? And if you said no, what might you feel on the other side of that?

The no might feel like curiosity, like a little inkling. You might feel a full body no. You know, when that thing comes up on your calendar, that person sends you a text or a call and your body tightens, I want you to listen to that. Learning how to read those cues of, uh, when my body is tightening and pushing against versus easing into or all bubbled up and excited, those are the cues that we have to learn to sit with. Those are the cues that we need to give ourself the spaciousness to start to register, to understand, and to trust. And so for you, what is your body already telling you that it feels like you're not listening to? And if you said no to that, what might be on the other side?

Remembering that no is not judgment. It's not a failure. No is simply an opening to a bigger yes. I'm grateful you've been here with me. I'm grateful that you're doing this work, that you're taking this time for yourself, that you're working on yourself. Because when we are better for ourselves, we're better for every single person in our lives. This isn't selfish work. This is how we change the world. By listening to yourself, by trusting yourself, you actually are giving a gift to every single person that you love and every single person that you come into contact with. And you become an example and a permission slip for others.

So continue doing it. I'm always here. If I can help you in any way. You can DM me over on Instagram or send me an email. Hello ickygardner uh.com until the break is over. I wish you nothing but peace and positivity and growth, remembering that you always, always always have a choice and by choosing yourself, you're choosing the goodness that changes the world. Until next time.

Thanks so much for listening to today's episode. I hope that it spoke to you and you found something useful to take away from it. If you did, I would be so grateful if you would take 2 seconds to subscribe to the show which will help you because you won't miss another episode and it would help me because you would never miss another episode and if you are in the giving spirit and would take 30 seconds to rate and review this episode, it would do wonders for the show and for me. Thanks so much for being here and I can't wait to talk to you again next week.